For Rainbow Young People

We were all recognized as unique members of society, akava-ine, takatāpui, fakaleti, fa'afafine. And then colonisation came along and took that part of our history away from us.

Now, some of our elders are almost quite hesitant, but they're only thinking like that because of colonisation.

The reason why I love being a fa'afafine is it expresses my cultural identity because I can trace back in the history that date back way before the missionary and Colonial rulers appeared on the Island.

What I love about being brown, queer: I enjoy so much of just the exposure of, like, putting myself out on stage, I'm a performing artist, but I do things to the extent of representing who I am 100%.

Yeah, I think the thing about being diverse in sexuality and in ethnicity is that it comes with different obstacles you have to pass. In real conservative Pacific Islander families, they're not so open to it. You know, it's not something that's talked about so often, and often it is actually frowned upon. It's a difficult situation to be in.

Being Samoan and bisexual means everything. It's not been easy, but it's just that I'm glad I've come out.

In Samoa, we, you don't hear of the terms "transgender" or "gay". Samoan people in Samoa classify us as fa'afafine and they call us fa'afafine.

Being Pasifika and queer, there's always this moment where I believe that there are some penalties to it. It's also a gift.

I can be this glamorous brown-skinned diva who owns the stage for the amount of time she has, or I can be this dancer who just moves her body the way she feels because it's obviously embedded into me.

Being Samoan and bisexual – it's true there's no terminology for that. Just 'cause there's no terminology for that in Samoan culture doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, because we are out there.

What being akava'ine means to me is several things. The first one is who I am culturally, because first and foremost, I take my culture with me everywhere I go.

Secondly, it's an easy way for my Pacific community. Everyone has a role. You have the man's jobs, the female's job, and then you have the job of the akava'ine.

I think some of the hard things about being fa'afafine is social acceptance. To me, the general statement that's been floating around that fa'afafine are accepted in Samoa, I believe they're actually tolerated.

And that comes back to sort of the missionary and colonial rulers and how they have filtered Samoan people in Samoa.

It's weird too because Samoan's always have this thing of embracing the fa'afafine, but there has to be this one particular type of fa'afafine which is the who'll stay at home, cleans stuff, do all the chores, looks after the kids, like, just this domesticated fa'afa and not this kind of fa'afafine that's free and… they're finding themselves and quite expressive with their wardrobe. That's probably the hard thing.

Some of the hard things about being Samoan and bisexual: I would say our religious part and what I feel I've put my family through. It's taken me a while to come out. I didn't want my family to get any backlash.

Our family's quite religious; they're really into their Christianity in Samoan culture. I just didn't want anything bad to happen to them.

What I would say to the younger people is that there is help out there and there's other people, all you've got to do is just reach out and not be afraid because it may seem crazy at the time but you got people that are there for you regardless.

My education counts as any criticism to being fa'afafine. You must be educated – it is our weapon.

I've been there and it's going to be a hard journey, but I kid you not, at the end, you will be one hell of an amazing person, and you will walk down the middle of that road strutting your stuff and owning it.

Takatāpui is an all-encompassing word that includes people who grew up Māori and identify as part of the rainbow community, gender diverse community.

Being takatāpui is not brand-new in Te Ao Māori. People have been that way for, you know, generations. But in the social context of today, it's our umbrella term for people who whakapapa Māori who are also a part of the community.

Inside Out is a national charity, and our vision is to support all rainbow young people across Aotearoa to have a sense of safety and belonging in their schools and communities.

We provide a range of support to schools, workplaces and community organisations to create more rainbow inclusive spaces.

We also run a range of youth development programs in Wellington to support young people to connect with others like them.

Rainbow young people in New Zealand are five times more likely to attempt suicide because of the discrimination that they’re facing.

Inside OUT believes that every young person has the right to be safe and free to be who they are.

Pronouns are the words we use to refer to someone when not using their name. Commonly used pronouns in the English language include he/him, they/them, and she/her. Pronouns in some other languages, such as Te reo Māori, have gender neutral as the default, ia.

Those of us who've been socialised to think of gender in a very binary way are often in the habit of using binary gendered language when referring to people, because we've assumed that they are a man or woman based on their name, appearance, or physical cues such as their voice.

It makes me feel good. And it makes me feel respected and also lets me know that people are actually perceiving me in a way that I want to be perceived.

Yeah, just feeling really safe and respected and recognised. People will often, like, happily change the pronouns that they use for someone's pet on the street. So when they do that for me as well, I'm like, cool, I'm at least on the same level as a dog. It makes me feel good. And I get the warm fuzzies.

The best thing about people getting my pronouns right is it just kind of shows that they care about me and who I am as a person and that they're genuinely trying to make an effort to support me, that they want to give me the space to be open about my identity.

You're going to get it wrong, and that's okay. And I promise you, every time you get someone's pronouns right, they will notice and it will mean something to them. And you can also tell when someone's getting it wrong by accident and when they're getting it wrong on purpose or because they can't be bothered to try, but just practice: tell yourself stories about this person, um, you know, talk about them to your friends. Like, whatever you have to do to get that practice. Um, and don't be so scared of messing up that you don't try and do something lovely for someone else.

Um, I would give advice for people who are adjusting to using new pronouns: don't gender strangers. So, like, if you see somebody on a bus and you really like their jacket, like, say, oh, I really like that person's jacket, rather than assigning a gender to them and to their clothing. Because that makes it easier to sort of break down what you think is gendered and talking about them gender-neutrally.

And then also when you start going to talk to people that you haven't talked to before, you don't immediately go into it assuming what their gender is or how they like to be referred to.

It can be really tough learning or adjusting new pronouns so like any other skill, you kind of have to hone it. But it's okay if you mess up, all you have to do is apologise, correct yourself, don't make a big deal about it and try and do better.

Sharing your pronouns, especially if you're not trans, can take some of the pressure off of trans people to explain their identity. It also challenges that common assumption that pronouns are a trans thing. Most people have preferences for pronouns that they use regardless of their gender.

And remember, you can never know someone's pronouns until they tell you.